Ann Rants about Romance Novels Part 2
Jul. 22nd, 2011 12:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaitouI'm still on my romance novel kick. And still picky as all hell. When I was up in Detroit I went to a used bookstore in my parents neighborhood that I know specializes in romance novels and picked up a bunch of things.
Among them was Julie Anne Long's "Since the Surrender," the third book in a series. The first book in the series was awesome. The second book was just ok, with two brilliantly funny scenes. This third one was...
Ok, so 85% of the book was actually great. As good as the first book. Good enough that when I hit the first of my major problems with it I decided to give it a pass. But in the last 100 pages the whole thing crashed and burned and went radioactive. I'm going to pick this apart, and I'm not going to try and be spoiler free, because I AM SPARING YOU FROM TRAVESTY. I will, however, put this under a cut, because this shit is about to get long.
Here's what the book did well:
1. It had a good mystery. The Heroine's sister was arrested, and went missing from prison. She thinks that a particular lord is involved in her disappearance and enlists the hero to help her out. The mystery is nice and twisty, and the tension racks up nicely. A lot of romance novels that want to have adventure! do this really badly, but both this and JAL's first book in the series had great mysteries.
2. The hero says things explicitly that I don't think I've ever heard another romance hero express...which in retrospect is very weird.
The heroine is a widow, who married to insure that the rest of her family is provided for. Early in the book the hero proposes to her, and she turns him down. She says that as a widow she's free and independent, and she's still trying to figure out who she is and what she wants from life. The hero treats this as completely normal and understandable.
Then later in the book when you find out that her late husband was not so hot in bed, the hero kind of explains how awesome sex CAN be and tells her that she deserves to find out how amazing it is. And not in a 'hey baby I can rock your world' sort of way. But in a 'all humans should have that, and so should you, however you want it, and even if you're giving pleasure to yourself' sort of way.
Romance novel heroes are, as a rule, very generous and attentive lovers. This IS woman-porn after all. But in my experience the hero's attitude is usually more, "I love you, so I'm going to make this awesome for you, because I'm awesome." Orgasm is a gift that he magnanimously bestows upon the heroine. This book treated it like it was practically a human right, and you should get it in whatever way works for you...go get it.
You'd think there would be more of that. And I really did appreciate that coming from this book.
Which is probably why my hate for this book is so virulent. Almost good is sooo much more disappointing than thoroughly bad.
Things to Remember when Writing:
1. Don't have your hero assault the heroine for plot coupons.
Early on in 'Since the Surrender' the heroine crashes a party in order to try and corner the lord she thinks has information on her sister. At this point the hero has refused the call to help, and she's been receiving threatening letters. So when she crashes the party she has a pistol strapped to her thigh.
The hero comes to the party and catches the heroine trying to eavesdrop on a conversation, standing just outside a door which is open just a crack. He grabs her and is about to lead her away when he decides that she just feels great all pressed up against him. So he shoves his hands up her dress.
And the heroine? The one who was frightened but determined to find her sister? She parts her legs to give him better access. Do I need to remind everyone that they are at a party, and someone might wander by at any moment? Or maybe the suspected villain might leave the room? Or that the heroine's sister is missing and the heroine has received threats?
THIS IS NOT THE TIME DUDE. THIS IS ASSAULT. The hero then notices the gun she's got strapped on, and stops what he's doing.
I think what the author was doing here was trying to find a way for the hero to find out about the gun. And decided that it would be good to stick in some UST while she was at it. Two birds, one brick. And didn't really consider the context of the scene she was writing.
But the other thing that makes this unforgivable is that the hero finding the gun serves no purpose to the story. In another scene later he says 'you shouldn't carry a gun strapped to your thigh' but when they do go into danger, she has it with her. But even then, she NEVER USES IT. I could be wrong, but I am fairly sure that the groping existed to find the gun...because he wouldn't have found the gun otherwise. But the author only needed to move the gun, or have him notice it in a different scene, (like lying on her table when he goes to her house). But it never comes up again. The whole thing is dropped and therefore serves NO purpose.
2. Please remember what context your scene is in!
I thought the sexytimes thing was an aberration, and kept reading. But when I got near the end it got even stupider.
The MCs are exploring a museum at midnight. All whispers and and sneaking. You know, the door creaks and they freeze. The bad guys could be lurking around every corner. So they explore the museum, and finally go to the room they think is the most suspicious. They don't immediately find anything, and then...they have sex up against some antique furniture.
WHAT?
The next day some things happen and the hero drops the heroine off at her house, and says tells her that they ought to have sex again. Then he leaves.
Again, WHAT?
He picks her up for another midnight museum casing. This time they have a lot more information, and are pretty sure that they can find the missing sister. So of course they immediately rescue her, right? After all it's been insinuated through the book that the sister's been kidnapped and forced to work in a brothel. Speed is of the essence.
Oh no, wait. It's far more important for them to have sex in the Henry VIII bed in an exhibit. THEN they can go rescue the sister.
In my imagination the author was at a museum, saw an old bed, and thought it would make a great location. This might have been the inspiration for the whole book for all I know. But it was SO inappropriate. It doesn't make sense any way you look at it. The scene was just jammed in there.
If she needed another sex scene, why not have done it at the heroine's house? You know, when he dropped her off? Where there wasn't any danger? Honestly I wonder if the two of them have a bit of a problem and being in danger in a public space is the only way they can get off.
3. Please remember your world rules.
At one point in the book the hero meets with a candidate to be vicar back in his home town. And apparently this vicar has magical healing powers.
Huh?
I'm certainly not against having the fantastic in books. But you can't just spring it on the reader 3 books into a series. It was a total Big Lipped Alligator moment.
4. Even when you are setting up for another book, remember to make it make sense in this one.
And like the heroine's pistol, the healer has no purpose in the book. No one needs any healing. The hero has an aching leg, and while he's sitting with the vicar it doesn't hurt. He doesn't fix anyone.
The book spends an inordinate amount of time describing him and discussing him. I can only assume that's because he's going to be the main character of a future book in the series. Which isn't a bad thing. I love characters popping up in a shared world. It's awesome. But it has to make sense.
Rowling did a good job of this in HP. Hell, Sirius only got one sentence in the first book and he was useful to the plot of that book.
I can think of a half a dozen ways to make the vicar useful to the plot of 'Since the Surrender' off the top of my head.
1. A character actually gets hurt during the rescue and the vicar heals them.
2. The vicar marries the main characters.
3. The vicar is familiar with the suspicious museum and can provide plot coupons.
4. The vicar can help take care of the other girls in the underground brothel.
5. The vicar actually heals the hero's leg for good.
6. The vicar actually helps with the rescue.
THIS ISN'T THAT HARD.
So yeah, while I liked a lot of this book, the things that were bad were unforgivably bad. "Genre" fiction is no excuse for laziness.
Among them was Julie Anne Long's "Since the Surrender," the third book in a series. The first book in the series was awesome. The second book was just ok, with two brilliantly funny scenes. This third one was...
Ok, so 85% of the book was actually great. As good as the first book. Good enough that when I hit the first of my major problems with it I decided to give it a pass. But in the last 100 pages the whole thing crashed and burned and went radioactive. I'm going to pick this apart, and I'm not going to try and be spoiler free, because I AM SPARING YOU FROM TRAVESTY. I will, however, put this under a cut, because this shit is about to get long.
Here's what the book did well:
1. It had a good mystery. The Heroine's sister was arrested, and went missing from prison. She thinks that a particular lord is involved in her disappearance and enlists the hero to help her out. The mystery is nice and twisty, and the tension racks up nicely. A lot of romance novels that want to have adventure! do this really badly, but both this and JAL's first book in the series had great mysteries.
2. The hero says things explicitly that I don't think I've ever heard another romance hero express...which in retrospect is very weird.
The heroine is a widow, who married to insure that the rest of her family is provided for. Early in the book the hero proposes to her, and she turns him down. She says that as a widow she's free and independent, and she's still trying to figure out who she is and what she wants from life. The hero treats this as completely normal and understandable.
Then later in the book when you find out that her late husband was not so hot in bed, the hero kind of explains how awesome sex CAN be and tells her that she deserves to find out how amazing it is. And not in a 'hey baby I can rock your world' sort of way. But in a 'all humans should have that, and so should you, however you want it, and even if you're giving pleasure to yourself' sort of way.
Romance novel heroes are, as a rule, very generous and attentive lovers. This IS woman-porn after all. But in my experience the hero's attitude is usually more, "I love you, so I'm going to make this awesome for you, because I'm awesome." Orgasm is a gift that he magnanimously bestows upon the heroine. This book treated it like it was practically a human right, and you should get it in whatever way works for you...go get it.
You'd think there would be more of that. And I really did appreciate that coming from this book.
Which is probably why my hate for this book is so virulent. Almost good is sooo much more disappointing than thoroughly bad.
Things to Remember when Writing:
1. Don't have your hero assault the heroine for plot coupons.
Early on in 'Since the Surrender' the heroine crashes a party in order to try and corner the lord she thinks has information on her sister. At this point the hero has refused the call to help, and she's been receiving threatening letters. So when she crashes the party she has a pistol strapped to her thigh.
The hero comes to the party and catches the heroine trying to eavesdrop on a conversation, standing just outside a door which is open just a crack. He grabs her and is about to lead her away when he decides that she just feels great all pressed up against him. So he shoves his hands up her dress.
And the heroine? The one who was frightened but determined to find her sister? She parts her legs to give him better access. Do I need to remind everyone that they are at a party, and someone might wander by at any moment? Or maybe the suspected villain might leave the room? Or that the heroine's sister is missing and the heroine has received threats?
THIS IS NOT THE TIME DUDE. THIS IS ASSAULT. The hero then notices the gun she's got strapped on, and stops what he's doing.
I think what the author was doing here was trying to find a way for the hero to find out about the gun. And decided that it would be good to stick in some UST while she was at it. Two birds, one brick. And didn't really consider the context of the scene she was writing.
But the other thing that makes this unforgivable is that the hero finding the gun serves no purpose to the story. In another scene later he says 'you shouldn't carry a gun strapped to your thigh' but when they do go into danger, she has it with her. But even then, she NEVER USES IT. I could be wrong, but I am fairly sure that the groping existed to find the gun...because he wouldn't have found the gun otherwise. But the author only needed to move the gun, or have him notice it in a different scene, (like lying on her table when he goes to her house). But it never comes up again. The whole thing is dropped and therefore serves NO purpose.
2. Please remember what context your scene is in!
I thought the sexytimes thing was an aberration, and kept reading. But when I got near the end it got even stupider.
The MCs are exploring a museum at midnight. All whispers and and sneaking. You know, the door creaks and they freeze. The bad guys could be lurking around every corner. So they explore the museum, and finally go to the room they think is the most suspicious. They don't immediately find anything, and then...they have sex up against some antique furniture.
WHAT?
The next day some things happen and the hero drops the heroine off at her house, and says tells her that they ought to have sex again. Then he leaves.
Again, WHAT?
He picks her up for another midnight museum casing. This time they have a lot more information, and are pretty sure that they can find the missing sister. So of course they immediately rescue her, right? After all it's been insinuated through the book that the sister's been kidnapped and forced to work in a brothel. Speed is of the essence.
Oh no, wait. It's far more important for them to have sex in the Henry VIII bed in an exhibit. THEN they can go rescue the sister.
In my imagination the author was at a museum, saw an old bed, and thought it would make a great location. This might have been the inspiration for the whole book for all I know. But it was SO inappropriate. It doesn't make sense any way you look at it. The scene was just jammed in there.
If she needed another sex scene, why not have done it at the heroine's house? You know, when he dropped her off? Where there wasn't any danger? Honestly I wonder if the two of them have a bit of a problem and being in danger in a public space is the only way they can get off.
3. Please remember your world rules.
At one point in the book the hero meets with a candidate to be vicar back in his home town. And apparently this vicar has magical healing powers.
Huh?
I'm certainly not against having the fantastic in books. But you can't just spring it on the reader 3 books into a series. It was a total Big Lipped Alligator moment.
4. Even when you are setting up for another book, remember to make it make sense in this one.
And like the heroine's pistol, the healer has no purpose in the book. No one needs any healing. The hero has an aching leg, and while he's sitting with the vicar it doesn't hurt. He doesn't fix anyone.
The book spends an inordinate amount of time describing him and discussing him. I can only assume that's because he's going to be the main character of a future book in the series. Which isn't a bad thing. I love characters popping up in a shared world. It's awesome. But it has to make sense.
Rowling did a good job of this in HP. Hell, Sirius only got one sentence in the first book and he was useful to the plot of that book.
I can think of a half a dozen ways to make the vicar useful to the plot of 'Since the Surrender' off the top of my head.
1. A character actually gets hurt during the rescue and the vicar heals them.
2. The vicar marries the main characters.
3. The vicar is familiar with the suspicious museum and can provide plot coupons.
4. The vicar can help take care of the other girls in the underground brothel.
5. The vicar actually heals the hero's leg for good.
6. The vicar actually helps with the rescue.
THIS ISN'T THAT HARD.
So yeah, while I liked a lot of this book, the things that were bad were unforgivably bad. "Genre" fiction is no excuse for laziness.
Wait...
Date: 2011-07-22 11:16 pm (UTC)Bedridden and near death, the heroine sends the hero to see the vicar, to plead with him to apply some of his sweet healing magic. The vicar, having expected the call, has already prepared a kit of pastries and looseleaf Earl Grey. He tells the hero that he will need to assist with the healing procedure as he himself must remain mute. However, he does provide the Hero with the incantation ahead of time.
They get back to the heroine's house, and the vicar makes two place settings, using a bone chine teaset.
Then, he looks to the hero, who looks deep into the eyes of the Heroine, knowing full well what it could mean if he doesn't carry out his part of the bargain. Steeling himself, he issues the incantation:
"YOU MUST HAVE TEA AND CAKE WITH THE VICAR OR YOU DIE!"
Re: Wait...
Date: 2011-07-22 11:52 pm (UTC)